Before I begin let me warn you that this is one of those posts that are NOT for the faint of heart. If you choose to read it please know that it might be disturbing to you. But I wouldn't be writing it if I didn't absolutely feel in my heart that it is something that I am compelled to put a voice to.
All of my life I have considered myself to be pro-life. There was never any doubt in my mind that if I would have had the blessing to conceive, I would of course carry my baby to full term, and welcome a new bundle of joy into the world. I, unfortunately was not blessed to have that opportunity. My womb has remained empty my whole adult life. But, I received two of the greatest blessings in the form of sacred sacrifices from two beautiful brave young girls who chose, when faced with a very difficult decision, to give their babies the gift of life and placed them in my arms to raise, love, and cherish.
Not only have I known I was pro-life but I belong to a church that is pro-life.
I have never thought about abortion much behind that. Number one, I don't believe in it. Number 2, I belong to church that doesn't believe in it. Can't I just leave it at that? What more needs to be said? Why would I want or need to dwell on such an abhorrent subject to my spirit any more than that?
A couple of months ago I really started to feel a tugging in my heart. I think it was when I first learned that in one year more African American babies had been aborted in the city of New York than had been born alive. When I first heard that I was completely and utterly shocked. How could that be! "According to the city Health Department, 2008 saw 89,469 abortions performed in New York City — seven for every 10 live births. Among black women, abortions out number live births by three to two." According to this statistic the total number is staggering, almost 90,000 abortions in one year in one city!! Something is very wrong!
When I heard that, I knew that the days for me to bury my head in the sand and pretend that abortion didn't exist (apart from the fact that I would never have one) were over. I started to research into the ugly truth about abortion. There have been a few moments in my life where the word "abortion" has conjured up in my mind a picture of what one must be like. In my naive mind's eye I imagined a needle inserted somewhere in the baby, filled with toxic medication that would make the baby "go to sleep". Like it is humanely done for our beloved animals when they get sick or old. Then when the baby had passed away, somehow the woman was able to give birth to the baby and it's body was disposed of with dignity.
Boy was I wrong.
Let me warn you again: The next part that I feel compelled to share is horrific to read. It is graffic, it is ugly, and it is evil. This is a description of what is happening in a video of an ultrasound guided abortion. There was no way I could bring myself to watch the video. Just reading the words alone made my spirit recoil in horror.The clip begins with an ultrasound of the fetus (girl) who is about to be aborted. The girl is moving in the womb; displays a heartbeat of 140 per minute; and is at times sucking her thumb.
As the abortionist’s suction tip begins to invade the womb, the child rears and moves violently in an attempt to avoid the instrument. Her mouth is visibly open in a “silent scream.” The child’s heart rate speeds up dramatically (to 200 beats per minute) as she senses aggression. She moves violently away in a pathetic attempt to escape the instrument.
The abortionist’s suction tip begins to rip the baby’s limbs from its body, ultimately leaving only her head in the uterus (too large to be pulled from the uterus in one piece). The abortionist attempts to crush her head with his forceps, allowing it to be removed.
In an effort to “dehumanize” the procedure, the abortionist and anesthesiologist refer to the baby’s head as “number 1.” The abortionist crushes “number 1″ with the forceps and removes it from the uterus.
It later goes on to say that the "tissue" was disposed of in a biohazard container.
After I read the description of this most heinous act I couldn't breath. All of my life, up until then as horrible of a thought as abortion was, I still had it all neatly wrapped up in a box with a little bow. That surely these people knew they were dealing with a tiny life and would treat it accordingly. I was not prepared for the reality of it as it hit me in the face.
So what do I do now? What do I do with this new reality. I know that I can never go back to the attitude of : I am pro-life, I belong to a church that is pro-life, that's enough.
Last week as I was listening to one of my favorite radio talk shows. The host had a guest on named Abby Johnson. She has just written a book called Unplanned. It is the journey in her life that started as a naive college student signing up to be a volunteer for a "good cause". Eventually it lead her to be the director for a Planned Parenthood facility. It ended with her fleeing from Planned Parenthood, after she learned the truth about abortion, realizing she had been lied to all of those years. She was asked for the first time to assist with an abortion by holding the ultrasound wand. What she witnessed was devistating to her and one week later she quit. She is now on the side of pro-life. The book was so good. I encourage anyone and everyone to read it. It is not written in a bashing way, or a political way. It is her spiritual journey. She walks you through her walk with God as He leads her gently to see the light, where before she knew deep down she was living in darkness.
Every year for about 8 years now, the Coalition for Life has had an event called the40 days for Life campaign, which ironically had it's first event outside the very facility where Abby worked. It has now spread across the country to thousands of facilities. For 40 days around the clock, volunteers gather in shifts, outside of Planned Parenthood and other abortion facilites in peaceful attitude of fasting and prayer. It is not meant to be a specticle. It is not an invitation for the kooks to show up in their grim reaper costumes, or carrying their aborted fetus signs. It is meant to me a reverent, meaningful petition to God to bless the lives of the babies, the woman and girls (who by the way are also victims in all of this ugliness) and the volunteers and paid staff members who work at the facilities (who sometimes are also victims in that they are not told the whole truth about what it is that goes on there.) The way Abby described the event was so compelling to me. I kept thinking, I would love to be involved with something like that. It was during the 40 days for Life last year that Abby Johnson walked out of the doors and crossed the fence to the "other side". The "coincidence" is not lost on her.
So last night after I finished her book, I cried myself to sleep. The thought kept running through my head "what do I do now?" I kept praying to my Father in Heaven that if I was suppose to do something with this new found knowledge, please direct my path. I happened to look on the computer today and wouldn't you know it, the campaign of prayer and fasting that Abby talked so much about in her book starts next week. For 40 days and nights, an around-the-clock vigil for the unborn and their mothers. I thought, I can do that. I know how to fast. I know how to pray. I do it all of the time. What greater cause? If my one tiny prayer can save one tiny life it will be worth it. Where do I sign up?
There are very ugly and evil things happening at Planned Parenthood, but this entry is not focused on that. I urge you to do your own research and discovery if you truly want to know what is behind the facade of "woman's right to choose". A good place to start is with the book Unplanned. I loved it. And by reading it God has awoken something within me that is bigger than myself. I needed that. I am looking forward for the opportunity to learn and grow.
This is a special journey I feel myself being drawn to. One that is just beginning. I have a feeling that part of the reason I am meant to go down this path right now is my being an adoptive mother. One on the receiving end of two birthmothers who chose life for their babies. If I can be of any help to birthmothers out there, struggling with such a burden, realize that there are other choices out there, beautiful choices, then I feel that I need to start to walk down this path and see where it leads me.